Failure to Communicate

My husband’s lifelong communication quirks often amuse me. When we were young he mixed up two antiquated adages meaning all is well. Rather than say either ‘peachy keen’ or ‘hunky dory’, he replied, “Everything is peachy dory.” Sometimes I’m left baffled.

The other day he asked, “Can we get rid of that globe?”

I had no clue what he wanted me to throw away. It turned out to be my Halloween ‘snow globe’ whose bats flit around a haunted house. I wondered why on earth it should be tossed.

The one that he bought for me from Menards
is a few years old and a little different...

But he didn’t wish the thing thrown out. He just hoped I’d be willing to relocate it and free up an electrical outlet.

Is it any surprise this confusion occurs more frequently as we age? Doesn’t peachy dory sound like a refreshing summer cocktail?

-

Back to the State House

My friend Scars received an invitation to restate his testimonial regarding kratom. I agreed to tag along once again, for which he was extremely grateful. He called me his hero (!) just for riding along.

Now Somewhat Familiar and Beautiful Smiling Faces;
Scars is wearing a sweatshirt that reads:
Plants over Pills 

Expecting to be in the same room, I was happy when our entrance coincided with that exact hall. But we were wrong. Instead of the House of Representatives we were to attend a Congressional forum.

Fortunately, everyone we encountered was kind and helpful as possible. One expensively suited, very tall government employee even escorted us. I don’t know his name but he must be someone important because when we passed a female staffer sitting on a bench she quipped that we were honored to receive this VIP treatment.

I hope folks’ efforts see the destructive synthetic derivatives removed from gas stations and convenience stores while allowing responsible adults access to the pure leaf powder. Scars gave another powerful delivery ending with the words, “It’s not perfect but it is enough. Please don’t take this away from me.” Unlike the others he didn’t even use notes.

After another long trek from the car and getting lost both before and after the hearing, our wanderings elevated his leg pains to an encroaching numbness. I’m thankful his cane prevented him stumbling and falling. He always gets back up yet I’m sure such injuries take a lingering toll.

Isn’t it crazy that the kratom proponents have been struggling over five years to get this legislation passed? Can you believe that after attending a mere two hearings I’m feeling frustrated? It’s annoying how often questions from the podium were answered minutes before. Do these people even listen?

-

The Haves and the Have-Nots

Following a routine check-up I decided to explore the town where my doctor’s office is located. An industrial steel town, Middletown, Ohio houses the archetypal United States blue collar working class. I hate to admit we’ve always considered the city a bit depressing.

Not the most picturesque skyline...

Another business that utilizes the
local railways, whatever this is...

Interspersed between the stark mills, grimy factories, and bleak processing plants, many neighborhood residences make our humble abode appear as a grand estate. My tour really made me pause and give thanks.

These side lots are miniscule...

A nice porch, for sure...

Neatly kept tiny home...

More spacious houses...

The vehicle at far left clearly needs maintenance...

Now here we have these stunning hilltop houses. I suppose the steel barons contracted the mansions on Middletown’s Monument Avenue. These appear newer to varying degrees.

A rambling home...

I want to see this interior!

What fabulous, extraneous architecture...

More modest, but look at that garage door...

Seeing this image, my husband wrongly believed
this to be a multi-family home...

I believe capitalism, however flawed, generally benefits my fellow citizens. The lopsided economics here make my head spin.

Can you imagine I wanted to be an architect until the math defeated me? Would you choose any of these homes, whether modest or affluent?

Seriously, this is a discount?

My husband and I so fortunate that retirement gives us plenty of time to shop for bargains. How working parents feed their families is both a mystery and growing concern. I doubt many folks have time to check the clearance shelves or even know their location tucked past aisles of freezers just across from the small hardware selection. When I looked up my jaw dropped. It’s no wonder bottles like this remain on the shelves.

For my unsophisticated palete, a brand priced just over one tenth of this tastes just fine.

Can you imagine what the original retail price must have been? Is there any special occasion for which you’d consider such an extravagant purchase?

-

The Truth About the Food Pyramid

Andrew from The High Rise wondered why I criticized the food pyramid following my frustrated comment condemning the matter. I appreciate his query. For anyone unaware, this issue deserves addressing.

Put simply, the above diagrammed dietary recommendations that I grew up with were designed for food shortages. Now that I have type II diabetes, I know a balanced diet should be low in carbohydrates.

A few years back my brother and his wife went on the paleo diet resembling what ancient hunter/gatherers ate and felt healthier for the difficult changes. Now the more stringent carnivore diet eliminates all plant based foods.

Giving up meat and becoming vegetarian or vegan isn’t happening. But I just devoured leftover pizza, and sure I have some regret, but no way are my husband or I throwing fruit and vegetables out the door.

Can you believe I failed tried a fasting diet in my teens? Do you think these current ideas are junk science, modern fads?

As a bonus for the curious, the following video is a clip from “Clone High”, a science fiction adult animated series. Wow. Say that three times fast. Anyway, here is an animated Marilyn Manson singing about the food pyramid.

-

A Strangely Foiled Outing

On Wednesday I met my friend Scars to see a movie, “The Sound of Freedom”. My husband didn’t feel up to a heart-wrenching tale and gave his blessing.

Scars bought my ticket while I paid for our sodas. We walked into a silent theater. How bizarre. There should have been advertisements running and then previews before our 11 am showing.

This is all we saw:

Scars joked that maybe someone needed
to revisit the concession stand...

At around 11:15 or so, he and I returned to the lobby. Five other patrons sat baffled, waiting for word. I’m usually timid but I think Scars’ fearless nature inspires me. I walked behind a vacant service counter, looked into an empty office, and called out. Back in the auditorium, I even banged on a locked door.

Nothing. I later learned everything is automated, run by computer.

At long last two technicians appeared after Scars and/or I talked to a few different employees. Having climbed a ladder into the screening room, they apologetically claimed an inability to clear the glitch. Not even rebooting the mainframe. Issues included the system indicating no tickets had been sold. It all seemed stranger and stranger.

Around noon, the first fellow who approached us as opposed to the other way around returned and apologized because nothing had worked. Even calling their corporate office led nowhere. It seems corporate had been overwhelmed and stymied by this issue. Strangely, the nationwide problem apparently affected this particular movie alone.

I give all the staff credit for their efforts. And each individual patron received a refund offer, free food/drink tickets, and a complimentary movie pass.

All of us thwarted moviegoers remained calm, I’m proud to say. The others got their ticket cost refunded while Scars declined. He is financially well off and wanted the filmmakers to get their portion of the earnings.

Have you ever encountered something like this? Do you, like my husband, think it was a cyber attack on the theater chain?

-

Shuffled

This is a first world complaint, for sure. Reading Andrew’s blog post about children prompted it. He cracked me up.

And thank you, Strayer, for asking about my well being on your blog. Our cats Terry and Polly are being jerks to Dandelion sometimes, we think out of jealousy over my attentions.

Otherwise, things are going swimmingly. ~rolls eyes~ I apologize in advance.

Anyway, so I finally returned to swimming at the YMCA. It’s not the closest or second closest facility but their schedule is more open. Getting up and going took time. I still figured there would be no issue.

However, about ten minutes into my aquatic workout a guy came and asked me to move over two lanes. Not wanting to be contentious, I complied. A daycare group would be coming in at 11:30.

It was 11:10. The adults didn’t need setup time, I noticed, and the children arrived closer to 11:35. I exited the pool before they even got wet. I’m half tempted to end my YMCA membership.

The Caesar Creek lake is free and I haven’t visited the gym in months. It’s money better saved, maybe.

Should I brave chilly currents, annoying boaters, and dangerous amoeba? Or should I forge on and start lifting weights again?

-

I Did It Again

Yesterday I decided to use a up handful of frozen strawberries by covering them with a thin layer of semi-sweet chocolate. In past using Baker’s chocolate I would set the microwave for thirty seconds on high, stir, and repeat until getting the desired consistency.

Still foggy from my little respiratory infection, I decided to just set the oven for a minute. Just as the timer began beeping I turned around and saw smoke billowing out of the microwave.

Oh, no, I thought, not again. Opening windows fast as possible, I asked my husband for help with the smoke alarm. My handy stepstool didn’t give me high enough reach. But he just sat there, watching me scramble, saying he didn’t hear any alarm.

“Right!” I hollered. “And I don’t want to!”

He remained sitting on the couch, unconcerned. I’m thankful my measures proved adequate and we didn’t get another visit from the local fire department. I wish I’d photographed my chocolate hockey puck. Let’s hope I can get the burn marks out of the microwave.

It still stinks - baking soda should help.

Did you know chocolate could char? Do you ever wish you could hire a home cook?

-

Overworked and Underpaid

I jest, of course, having retired years ago. And anyone who read about the yard work we had done knows I’m thankful for my husband. He wasn’t thrilled about spending so much yet agreed for my sake. Of course, he is also glad it got done.

At any rate, he developed a craving for Kentucky Fried Chicken yesterday. He planned on having it delivered but I offered to drive over upon learning about the fee (see above – lol) and even wait when he couldn’t get the order placed online.

Well, the deal he found was only available via the Internet. I parked the car and called him. It took a while for him to call back and I was really hungry, so I went through the adjacent Taco Bell drive-thru for a burrito.

I’d planned on eating it at home, though, until he told me the wait time of over fifteen minutes. Then he called again while I was eating. Already irritated, I couldn’t believe when he told me he’d accidentally placed the order with a KFC in Toledo, Ohio, hundreds of miles away. It took an effort to let him start over. First, he called the other restaurant to cancel.

~sigh~

Thank heaven I had my iPod with me. I listened to an old comedy routine by Mitch Hedberg. He was awesome and I find his shy unwillingness to make eye contact charming. I’m forever saddened that he succumbed to his heroin addiction.

Some time after I finished my burrito, he called yet again and the wait was now just four minutes. The real kicker is that I suggested that the order wouldn’t go through without the phone number field filled. He said it would have been highlighted on the screen. Wrong. I wanted to smack him when I got home.

Even worse, I like cold fried chicken as much as he but the piece I bit into today wasn’t fully cooked inside. Yuck. Looks like we’ll be microwaving those pieces remaining. And it was not too bad, so I will not complain to anyone at KFC. Meanwhile, for your viewing pleasure, here is a clip of Mr. Hedberg:

Isn’t it funny that my husband spent decades working in IT (Internet Technology, for crying out loud)? Aren’t you proud of me for not giving him a rap on the noggin?

-

Win/Win/Win – & – A Lose/Lose

I’ve been intending to post this for over a week. But here’s the good news regarding my Chewy cat food order. They shipped a case of pure Arctic char after I opted for the combination box. I’m sure the duck entrée would have been eaten. This way, I’m certain nothing will go to waste. Jezebel and Polly both enjoy it and Arctic char is the one and only canned food Terra will eat.

Since Chewy provided such fast and excellent customer service, including a 10% off coupon good through November, I placed a whimsical order of Halloween goodies. Let’s face it, they’re really for me. Therefore I won, as did all involved businesses and their employees.

There's a lot more... :D

Alas, on Sunday the huge US retailer Walmart disappointed me. My husband and I shopped there on Saturday and I discovered their small potted flowering mums had been marked down to a single (US) dollar! I picked up two. Sunday morning I decided to return and try brokering a bargain. If the store would increase their discount for me I’d fill my vehicle up. We’d both win, I figured, as they could reduce the stock (likely doomed to a landfill, sad to say) and I could amend the soil with any plants that didn’t survive winter. So I prepared my car – lowering the back seats for more space, laying down plastic, and tossing in some boxes. My resolve steeled, I drove over. Never negotiating is a major failing of mine.

As I parked I saw a staff member assessing those very plants whose price tags were now blank. I enthusiastically jogged after her and asked about the cost. Maybe they were now fifty cents.

“$1.50,” she said. What? She was kind enough to hear me out and walked me to the customer service desk while warning it unlikely my plan would succeed. My plea fell on deaf ears. The woman refused to budge, not even to the former one dollar. As it happens, likeminded customers swamped them Saturday morning. And as I recalled, every single plant required an employee override.

It’s stupid but true. I left without buying a single extra mum. Some folks would have stood their ground, especially since the signs showed no price at all. No way did I want to argue. Whether those frustrated clerks acted out of spite or actually hope to slow the rate of sale, I have no idea. Either way, the strategy makes zero sense. Okay, maybe $1.50 wouldn’t require system overrides. I doubt it.

Would you have pushed the issue? And why didn’t someone find a way to fix the system instead of screwing over paying customers?

-

Wait… What?

From the very start of this pandemic my husband urged me to get all the Covid 19 vaccinations alongside him. Despite various reservations and my stubborn nature, I haven’t argued.

So, this past Tuesday we each received another booster shot. We do both suffer other age related health issues (plus he’s eight years older and I’d kind of like to keep him around).

Later he stated that he hoped all these vaccines weren’t harming our bodies. ~blink~ Aside from not choking, I can’t recall my exact reply.

As a side note, don’t our ailing old bodies deserve a gentler label than ‘comorbidity’? After all, have you noticed that toilet paper is now termed ‘bathroom tissue’ and townhouses have become townhomes? Should I now go change the cats’ less offensive termed glitter box?

-

Customer Dis-Service

Early this month I found a slip in our mailbox announcing a postage due package needing picked up. The sender’s name was illegible. And seeing only our surname listed left us further clueless.

At the designated office a single clerk took several minutes handling another lady’s transaction. But with nothing pressing I stood uncomplaining. When my turn came this sole employee took my notice and disappeared into the back.

Meanwhile, two other individuals arrived. Before long they began murmured discussion over growing dissatisfaction. One said she had been waiting two weeks for a package from California and couldn’t even get an estimated delivery date. I commiserated, sharing similar experiences.

The other became anxious as she had left her dog locked in the car. She thought her business would take a mere minute or so. Hearing that the poor creature had just returned from a post-surgical vet visit prompted my awkward apology.

At last the postal worker returned – empty-handed and apologetic. She couldn’t find my package anywhere. I got the sense she intended to continue searching and urged her to take care of those behind me. So she wrote my name and phone number on a slip of paper in case it turned up.

I never heard from her again and my online attempts to request redelivery proved pointless. The system didn’t even recognize its own (!) barcode number. ~sigh~ Mere days before this my physician convinced me to use the moneysaving mail-order pharmacy service. As you can imagine, I doubted the wisdom of this decision.

Lo and behold, my medications arrived within a few days. What a surprising relief.

Have you encountered similar frustrations with your postal service? Is there any chance any of you dear readers sent me something?

-

Near Miss & Navigational Miscommunication

On the way to our Jungle Jim’s International grocery store this morning I took a different route. The decided detour seemed easy enough; head westward until I reached Ohio State Route 4 southbound. I enjoyed the change of scenery and things went fine until my dear husband felt the need to pull up the navigation via his ‘smart’ phone.

As I reached the expected Rt. 4 bypass the voice told me to head north. That made no sense. But I followed this direction at his encouragement and the system promptly told me to head south. ~sigh~ With no room to take the turn I chose what seemed a safer route. Wrong.

We encountered a traffic light with left turn arrows for two lanes. Since there was no sign proclaiming a U-turn illegal my husband again urged this maneuver. To our dismay, traffic flowing eastward from our left also received the go ahead. I didn’t understand the danger until realizing this crazy intersection directed them not to a simple right hand turn but directly into our path in some weird high speed sort of roundabout. I stayed dedicated to my U-turn, didn’t slow down, and thus calmly avoided collision.

Don’t you wish for vehicular communication besides the horn, such as an apology signal? Is it wrong I (sort of) wanted to strangle my husband?

-

Diet Sprite

I feel so fortunate that we live in a comfortable home among nice neighbors. For whatever reason, however, this ranch style abode with a walkout basement has flooded more times than I can count.

Two separate water heaters failed, both dumping their entire contents. Another time the cellar toilet broke. I even failed to unhook the garden hose our first winter here. At least that waterfall could be turned off.

Some of the less destructive incidents, not all confined to downstairs, are mindboggling. One drinking water tote sprung a leak after being mysteriously crushed (?) and a jug of distilled water long stored beneath the hall bathroom sink dripped out through a sudden (?!) pinhole. We even have reverse issues like the seldom used bathtub faucet that stopped flowing.

We named the culprit a water sprite and know it could be worse. Referencing my title, no events left a sticky mess.

There are scars. Half the cellar carpeted, ragged edges resulted from being pulled up several times. A crack in the brick chimney foundation (!?!), at last detected and repaired, left lingering mildew concerns. And we weren’t the first to suffer, it would seem.

I wish my laptop skin dragon could come to the rescue...

Can you believe someone left a roll of Christmas wrapping paper beneath the stairs to camouflage some water stained drywall? How did the home inspector miss that? And who carpets a basement anyway?

-

Where the Bodies are Buried

My dreams keep getting weirder and weirder. The other night, what my dreaming self thought to be a church with attached graveyard ended up being a private home. That wasn’t scary. The live inhabitants’ ominous activities threatening me inside the house turned things nightmarish.

Sad to say, that’s been my imagination’s sole outlet. My writing challenge project, supposed to be a lighthearted romantic comedy, morphed into an unrelated satirical story before petering out on the ninth. Oh, well. I’m not upset since I considered skipping National Novel Writhing Month altogether, both this November and in 2019 (!) for various reasons. I do need to let my fellow writers know I’m still alive.

~grin~

And that nightmare brought to mind a question. You see, here in Ohio one can often find tiny cemeteries on private land, especially on multi-generational family farms. The picture below is from Island Farm on Roanoke Island North Carolina. I think the epitaph is wonderful.

Fannie B. Dough
Born July 14, 1826
Died Aug. 2, 1894
Age 68 yrs.
As a wife, devoted;
As a mother, affectionate;
As a friend, ever kind and true.

Would an attached burial ground sway you from buying an otherwise ideal home or would you simply honor and care for these harmless neighbors’ plots? What about where you live now? Have seen any private ancestral cemeteries?

-

Final Destination

After reading the kind comments on my last post, I found Pradeep Nair's triggering a funny memory. He essentially noted that weather forecasting is an inexact science. Truer words could not be said.

GPS guidance can be inaccurate, as well. My husband and I learned that fact in the early 2000's on our way to an out-of-state Marilyn Manson concert.

An early handheld device led us a hundred or so miles, whereupon its guidance ended in the expected city. Dumbfounded, I parked the car not in front of our downtown hotel but outside some old cemetery gates.

"You have reached your destination," the mechanical voice cheerfully announced.

"Yeah. Our final destination," my husband stated, naming the horror movie franchise which kicked off mere months before. We still chuckle about it today.

I hope you enjoyed this silly tale. There are a few more surrealistic little anecdotes I'd like to share.

Do you think other hotel patrons experienced this? Would this have made you nervous?

-

What? - A Mystery Trip? - And/Or - All I Got was This lousy Forecast

The other day my husband showed me a seven day forecast that looked bleak. It showed zero chance of rain and super high temperatures.

As a result, I spent almost twenty minutes soaking our small vegetable and flower patches. Upon returning inside I saw a 60% chance of thunderstorms from another source.

Huh?

I informed him, at which point he pulled up the smart phone app again. His presumed location made no sense - a city in California.

Are you suffering drought conditions? Does nature ever produce the ideal amount of rain where you live?

-

Bewildering

The other day I saw my neighbor’s garage door up again and sent him a text message as nobody appeared to be home. I asked if he wanted me to do anything. J called with profuse thanks and asked if I would please close it even though he and his daughter were soon returning. As requested, by the way, I’ve saved their keypad code in case of future incidents.

In the meantime we talked as I crossed the street. Out of the blue he asked if I was still taking walks. I admitted to not going every day but planned to do so soon. He suggested I invite his wife along for conversation and companionship. Ummm… She is a wonderful person, and also a nurse at a local hospital.

Don’t get me wrong, she and I were rather close friends before she became a busy wife and mother. I even drove the two of us on a trip during a rough time. She’d been widowed young and started dating an a-hole swearing his marriage was one of convenience. Right… Eventually she wised up before meeting her future husband and father of their child.

Managing not to bark a bemused laugh, I said nothing to J about my concerns. But I don’t know who his wife has been around and sure won’t be calling anytime soon. I will refrain from neighborhood walks for now to avoid any awkwardness.

Should I have told J my honest opinion? Shouldn’t he likewise be wary of me instead of trusting I am virus free just because we are introverts? And on that note, isn’t it amusing that he’s lived here fifteen years and believes I crave company?

-

More Duh Moments, & Wait... What? Why?

After I blogged about the snafu with our census paperwork my husband admitted that he found the paper on his desk yesterday morning. ~sigh~ That had crossed my mind, but it seemed like one of my bizarrely lifelike dreams of late. Seems like someone has been staying up too late and all but sleepwalking to bed.

What can I say? I feel more stressed by world events in the mornings and stay up in order to sleep in. ~shakes head~ It's lucky I don't have to earn a living because avoidance is a lame but rather effective coping mechanism.

Listening to music is another. Right now I'm playing the score to the movie "Army of Darkness". It's good stuff, before Sam Raimi stuck to directing all this 'cape crap', as I've taken to calling these endless comic book movies/CGI fests. Well, insert a more offensive 's' word other than crap.

Heh...

Don't blame me. I learned it from my husband's addiction to following /pol/ on 4chan. This political meme image board is not for thin-skinned people, but anonymous (mostly young) guys trading absurd insults seems a reasonable outlet for their stress and aggression.

As for my little outburst in the title, I learned that Gmail is marking blog comment notifications as Spam. You'd think that after having discovered Yahoo dumping (very important!) documents I would know better than to trust Google.

Nope.

Only today did I think to check the spam folder. But why it should suddenly start happening after several years of blogging, I have no idea. Grrr... Oh, well, it's just another first world problem I can live with.
 
Have you seen "Army of Darkness"? Did you know Bruce Campbell of that film's fame portrayed Elvis Presley in the quirky flick "Bubba Ho-Tep"?

-