I have struggled leaving the
house ever since our car accident. Kudos to my husband, who prefers not to
drive, for stepping up and going by himself on a few occasions for groceries
and whatnot. But this is not how I want to live, however mean the world outside
can be.
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| View Outside My House March 14 |
Following my checkup I agreed
to go on a super low dose anxiety medication, perhaps just for a few months. We’ll
see how it goes. My husband encouraged this, in fact, which told me how much my
condition upsets him. He hated when I
took Abilify and some anti-depression pill or other years ago, saying they
dulled my wit and personality. In 2012 I left my stressful job in exchange for going
off the stuff.
I never saw this attending doctor
before Monday (so much for keeping your regular doctor through the health
insurance marketplace). He and his fellows are working toward residency under guidance
of senior physicians including my husband’s longtime doctor. I liked him.
He asked about my dreams. Any
nightmares?
Oh, yes.
To that he offered another
medication formulated to ease symptoms of an enlarged prostate.
Yes, you read that right. Mine
is an off label drug use, with potential of lowered cholesterol and reduced
nightmares as possible side effects. So, again, we shall see.
The pharmacist warned me
about the drug’s main purpose, as if I didn’t already know and would be offended.
As if. I find it all very amusing. My entire adult life I’ve felt like a
seventeen year old boy resides in my brain. Why not a fifty year old male? Maybe
‘he’ grew up alongside me in strictly a physical sense and developed prostate issues. My husband
found that notion hysterical.
Meanwhile, as I prepared to
park near the pharmacy, a nasty driver honked at me for driving too slow. In a
parking lot, as I drove behind a pedestrian. Nice, huh? But the joke’s on them because my anxiety level was
high enough the honk barely caused a bleep on my mental radar.
This afternoon I’m happy retreating
into my fiction. Editing to ‘The Crow’ soundtrack has been therapeutic. I’m
about to get back at it while rocking out to band Black Light Burns.
What is your preferred escape
from reality?
I am glad you went to the Dr. for help. I have been on Effexor ( an anti-anxiety) med for 13 years. I wouldn't leave my house without it. I do feel like it numbs my emotions, but a fair trade for the help it gives. I hope yours works well.
ReplyDeleteThank you. ~hugs~ I'm glad you're content with the trade.
DeleteWell...it is not really my preferred escape but it is the one that always seems to take over - I CRASH and sleep. I tend to do this a lot when I get overwhelmed which seems to be my normal state these days. I was having anxiety attacks for weeks whenever I went out anywhere after mom's death. I am doing better in that sense. But something has to give soon cause this mood, the tears, being overwhelmed and other crap has got to give me a break soon. As far as you are concerned I am glad you went to the doc and conforted this issue. I have taken meds for depression before and although I fought it to begin with, I am now a firm believer that if you need them, then take them. Take them for as long as you need......weeks, months, yrs....if it helps then do it. Keep in mind, if this don't help you, then tell the doc so that he can look at another kind of med. Now...lets address this teen boy that grew up along side of you!!! haha..
ReplyDeleteThank you for the support, and the giggle. It means a lot. May you feel better soon, my dear, perhaps following my route. ~hugs~ Take care of yourself.
DeleteOh gosh, I can feel your agony. Going out again after an accident like that. I don't know if I could do it. I had terrible going out after a bike hit me. I had already stopped. It was a horrible experience, with the woman screaming at me not to touch her, like I was a monster, yet it was her who rode around me from behind to go in front of me, with my blinker on. But a car and a bike collide, the car gets the instant hate. She was not hurt. Her bike had nary a scratch. At first she yelled that her legs were broken. But when the police arrived suddenly she jumped up and was completely fine. Funny how that was. Anyhow, I know how you feel. The off label drug use, if it works, good deal. Let us know.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your kindness and pain. I remember a similar incident, a guy riding his bike on the sidewalk going the wrong way on a one way street. No police were called, but he hollered at me over his idiocy. People are mostly evil, aren't they?
DeleteYikes, I'm sorry. I had no idea the accident had shaken you up so badly. Something you might look into Bach Flower Remedies. I've found these sorts of things help when I'm getting twisted up in my brain over stuff that shouldn't be worrying me.
ReplyDeleteI heard that an off label use of Viagra is for menstrual cramps. I think it was Viagra. It might have been a similar drug. (And speaking of having an old man in your head, have you seen Legion?)
Ooh, I do believe I've read about Bach Flower Remedies before. The fish tank debacle didn't help, either, but I'm getting better. Still, I appreciate the advise. And I'll check out Legion. Be well!
DeleteA few months ago, I was getting short bouts anxiety attacks, but a very mild ones. I didn't have to take any medicine. It just went off with a change in routine. I went on a holiday, and I also immersed myself in some writing and reading. It was stress related, I figured out.
ReplyDeleteOh, best wishes. I'm glad you worked through it and wish you all the best.
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