A Sinking Feeling or: How I Learned to Keep Worrying and Hate the Mattress

See at Bottom an Explanation of the Russian Ambassador's Expression...

I suppose hate is a strong word. Oh, and please forgive the bad homage to “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb”. That movie never gets tiresome.

As for the sinking feeling, our memory foam seems to have forgotten its purpose. I think the idea is to keep me in bed, not dump me to the floor.

That happened with Jezebel the cat tucked against my hip when my cell phone, on the far side of the nightstand, rang. Busy writing, I first ignored it, then got a voicemail alert that always proves too distracting. So I leaned over, attempting not to disturb Jezzy, and that whole edge of the mattress sank under my elbow.

She, of course, moved away while I struggled against cracking my skull upon the furniture. Good thing we have a sturdy headboard. And I’m thankful to have been alone. Going viral as an Internet gif is not on my wish list.

But have you seen those commercials in which a woman jumps up and down on a memory foam bed and a full glass of wine at the foot sits motionless?

Lies. All lies.

Earlier that same morning, I woke up at 4am to use the bathroom. That is not normal for me, blessed with strong bladder control. But my husband tossing and turning jolted me to the point even my brain started sloshing.

I can’t blame him, though. My tendency for heavy sleep has been disturbed. After the decimation of my tropical fish tank and the failure of multiple aquarium heaters (???), stress over keeping those few survivors alive through wild water temperature fluctuations woke me every few hours.

To this day I have mild panic attacks just turning on my new digital thermometer. Changing tank water on Friday tested my heart, let me tell you. I hope that by springtime the tendency to overreact to every little thing will have faded.

Have you ever seen “Dr. Strangelove?” Did you know that Peter Sellers cracking up his fellow cast members resulted in the scene (at top), meant to be lit brighter, being filmed in heavy shadow?

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